The Main Thing

Three decades ago, the Stephen Covey Institute found its way into my world through Six Sigma training—back when my calendar was full and my coffee was stronger than my opinions. Their foundation rested on The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, a book that’s been read by millions and, more importantly, actually lived out by a few.

And here’s what I’ve noticed over the years: human nature hasn’t changed one bit. We just have better gadgets to display it.

In business, we aim for predictable, positive results. That’s how we measure effectiveness. But step outside the conference room for a moment. What makes a person effective? It’s not just talent or intelligence. It’s consistency. Character. A kind of steady “flavor,” if you will.

Think of it like this: you don’t go to your favorite restaurant hoping the chef is “feeling creative” with your meal that day. No, sir. You want that same dependable taste every time. Effective people are like that—predictable in the best possible way.

One principle from Covey’s work has stayed with me all these years: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Sounds simple enough… until you try it in traffic. Or in a family discussion about what to watch on TV.

My point is, we don’t practice this nearly as much as we should. And that gap? It’s where arguments are born, relationships get strained, and misunderstandings grow legs and start running marathons.

How can we communicate well at home, at work, anywhere, if we haven’t taken the time to understand what the other person is thinking, feeling, or trying to say?

Curiosity takes effort. Sometimes it even takes patience—which, if I’m honest, I occasionally misplace right next to my reading glasses.

But when we don’t ask questions, we make assumptions. And assumptions… well, they’ve caused more trouble than a loose bolt at 30,000 feet.

Assumptions lead to judgment. Judgment leads to distance. And distance rarely leads anywhere good.

Faultfinding is easy. It’s been around since mankind... after the fall—including blaming the other guy (or gal). But it’s no substitute for thoughtful curiosity.

A perfect example of this plays out in an episode of Ted Lasso. In a now-famous scene, Ted challenges Rupert—the confident, condescending former soccer franchise owner—to a game of darts.

Rupert assumes Ted is just a nice, clueless American who couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. (To be fair, I’ve had a few days like that myself.)

But Ted? He’s been quietly paying attention his whole life.

As the game unfolds, Ted doesn’t just play, he teaches. Calmly. Kindly. And with a precision that would make any seasoned pilot nod in approval.

When Rupert takes a cheap shot at his ex-wife in front of everyone, Ted doesn’t fire back. He responds with something far more powerful—truth, wrapped in humility.

Three perfect darts later, Ted wins. But before that final throw, he makes a point Rupert won’t forget:

“If you had just asked one question—‘Have you ever played darts, Ted?’—you might’ve saved yourself a little embarrassment.”

Then comes the line that ties it all together:
“Be curious, not judgmental.”

(If you’ve never seen it, do yourself a favor—look up Ted Lasso. It will be worth your time and maybe even your perspective.(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S16b-x5mRA ) I can relate to Ted. I've been underestimated all my life. Praise God! BUT I digress.

Wherever we find ourselves—in a meeting, at the dinner table, or standing in line behind someone counting exact change to the penny—curiosity has a way of saving the day.

One thoughtful question can stop a bad assumption in its tracks.
One moment of listening can open a door that judgment would have slammed shut.

And long before Covey wrote it down or Ted tossed a dart, Jesus said it plainly:

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For the judgment you give will be the judgment you get.”

That’s not just good advice—that’s a guaranteed safe flight plan.

Because judgment isn’t listed among the fruit of the Spirit. It doesn’t produce peace. It doesn’t build joy. It doesn’t strengthen anything worth keeping.

But curiosity? That’s different.

Curiosity leans in.


Curiosity listens.


Curiosity leaves room for grace.

So here’s the Main Thing, plain and simple:

Seek first to produce the kind of fruit God intended in your life—the kind that reflects Him in the way you think, speak, and respond.

Stay steady. Stay curious. And maybe, just maybe, hold off on judging until you’ve asked one more question.

That’s how you become highly effective.

And as it turns out—highly human too.

Copyright May 2024, Revised June 2025, May 2026 Gary Landerfelt MyPericope.com