The Main Thing

Three decades ago, the Steven Covey Institute was a central part of my Six Sigma corporate training. It was rooted in Covey’s groundbreaking book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. While his work was widely read during his lifetime, his insights remain deeply relevant today—because human nature hasn’t changed. In fact, every genuinely successful person I’ve known has embodied these habits.

In business, we seek to produce predictable, positive results that meet or exceed our goals. That's how we become successful (effective). How do we become an effective person? An effective person lives according to a set of predictable qualities, (or principles) that people seek or prefer. To use a food-related analogy, they produce a predictable quality or flavor.

One lesson from Covey's book that stands out to me still began with this deceptively simple phrase: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Despite its clarity, this principle is too rarely practiced—and that gap explains many of the unnecessary arguments, broken relationships, and even wars. How can we communicate well—at home or at work—if we don’t first understand what others are thinking, feeling, or trying to accomplish? Ask, and you shall receive.

Curiosity can be inconvenient at times, but failing to ask leads to assumptions—and we all know how dangerous those can be. Assumptions breed judgment. And judgment, let's face it, doesn't lead to good outcomes. Effective people resist the urge to quickly label someone’s character or motives.

Faultfinding—another form of judgment—has been with us since the beginning. It’s human. But it’s also destructive when it replaces thoughtful curiosity.

A vivid example of this appears in an episode of Ted Lasso, where Ted challenges Rupert, the arrogant former team owner, to a game of darts. Rupert, who never bothered to understand who Ted really is, assumes Ted is a smiling, clueless American who stands no chance. Confident he’ll win, Rupert accepts.

But as the game unfolds, Ted reveals both skill and strategy. He plays, not to impress, but to live by his principles—principles shared by all effective people. When Rupert makes a blatant, rude, and embarrassing jab at his ex-wife in front of a crowd, Ted responds with calm precision, turning the moment into a teachable one.

With three perfect throws, Ted wins. Before the final shot, he remarks that if Rupert had only asked one simple question—“Have you played darts before, Ted?” —he could have avoided the humiliation. Then Ted quotes Walt Whitman: “Be curious, not judgmental.”

You can watch it here and/or continue to read:

Wherever you find yourself, curiosity can save the day, and maybe even your life. One thoughtful question may prevent a hasty judgment. A moment of listening can create space for understanding.

In this scenario both Covey and Ted Lasso echo a much older command—one from Jesus himself: “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For the judgment you give will be the judgment you get.”

And judgement is not listed as a fruit of The Spirit. It cannot be expected to produce the best outcomes. But.

What if curiosity leads to peace? What if refusing to judge brings joy?

The Main Thing is this:

Seek first to produce the fruit God intended in our lives—fruit we’ve read about, and more importantly, fruit that shows His Spirit lives in us.

Stick with the tried and true, Main Thing. Become highly effective!

Copyright May 2024, Revised June 2025, Gary Landerfelt MyPericope.com